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V/H/S/85 (2023)

“V/H/S/85” is a mixed bag, a collection of hits and misses that, when viewed as a whole, offers a decent if not earth-shattering addition to the franchise.

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V/H/S/85

“V/H/S/85” saunters onto the horror scene with the casual confidence of a B-movie that knows it’s not winning any Oscars but still packs the aisles on a Saturday night. This entry in the storied “V/H/S” franchise plays out like a mixtape recorded off the radio: some tracks hit the mark, leaving you nostalgic and energized, while others have you questioning the DJ’s choices. It’s a film that’s comfortably nestled in the middle ground of the series, neither reaching the dizzying heights of its predecessors nor plumbing the depths of its lesser siblings. It’s as if “V/H/S/85” is content to exist as a love letter to the era of big hair, bright colors, and video nasties, even if some of its segments leave viewers scratching their heads.

“Total Copy,” serving as the frame narrative, wraps its arms around the anthology with a grip that’s firm yet gentle. It’s the kind of story that reminds you why you fell in love with horror in the first place: interesting tales told around the flicker of a campfire (or in this case, the static of a VHS tape). With its commendable story and practical effects that harken back to a time when CGI was just a twinkle in Hollywood’s eye, “Total Copy” does its job. It sets the stage, introduces the players, and occasionally reminds you to adjust the tracking on your VCR. It’s okay, a solid opener that promises thrills, chills, and a little bit of nostalgia.

“No Wake” and its later continuation, “Ambrosia,” are like two halves of a magic trick performed in slow motion. Separately, they might leave you puzzled, wondering why the magician is holding a rabbit with no hat in sight. Together, however, they form a more comprehensive narrative that, while not without its faults, offers a glimpse into the creative potential of the series. The decision to split them feels like an experiment in storytelling, one that might not have been entirely necessary but offers an interesting perspective on narrative cohesion. On its own, “Ambrosia” especially feels like being given a puzzle with half the pieces missing, leaving you to wonder what picture you’re supposed to be assembling.

“God of Death” wanders through its runtime like a lost soul searching for purpose, only finding its direction when it’s almost too late. It’s a segment that teases greatness but ultimately feels disjointed, as if it were unsure of its own mythology until the final act. The journey is murky, and while the destination offers some semblance of clarity, one can’t help but feel that a more direct path could have led to a more satisfying conclusion.

“TKNOGD” stands out for all the wrong reasons, moving at a glacial pace that makes you wish you could fast-forward through the doldrums to get to the good parts. The special effects serve as brief moments of respite in an otherwise tedious trek through narrative quicksand. It’s a segment that, despite its best efforts, fails to ignite the spark of terror or wonder, leaving behind a trail of missed opportunities and viewer impatience.

Then there’s “Dreamkill,” the shining star of “V/H/S/85,” a segment that grabs you by the scruff of the neck and doesn’t let go until the credits roll. It’s a breath of fresh, albeit blood-scented, air that reminds you of the chilling allure of films like “Sinister.” With its well-crafted story, impressive practical effects, and a genuine sense of dread, “Dreamkill” stands as a testament to what the anthology could have been, offering a glimpse into the dark heart of horror that beats beneath the surface.

In the end, “V/H/S/85” is a mixed bag, a collection of hits and misses that, when viewed as a whole, offers a decent if not earth-shattering addition to the franchise. It’s like tuning into a late-night horror show; you’re not always sure what you’re going to get, but the thrill of the unknown is enough to keep you watching. While it may not be the strongest entry in the “V/H/S” series, it still manages to capture the essence of what makes these films so endearingly watchable: a love for the genre, warts and all.

V/H/S/85 (2023)
3.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
V/H/S/85" is a mixed bag, a collection of hits and misses that, when viewed as a whole, offers a decent if not earth-shattering addition to the franchise.

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Films

Imaginary (2024)

The second half of the movie decides to opt for an expository dump that feels like reading the film’s Wikipedia plot summary out loud.

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Imaginary Review

“Imaginary” (2024) kicks off with the potential to be the dark horse of psychological horror, only to gallop headfirst into a wall of clichés, transforming what could have been a sleek, shadowy steed into, well, a bit of a donkey show. This film, promising a sinister dive into the world of childhood fears and imaginary friends, unfortunately ends up as a guided tour through every horror movie trope the genre has ever coughed up.

The journey begins with Jessica, a children’s book author whose nightmares are about to leap off the page and into her real life, thanks to a stuffed bear named Chauncey. This isn’t your average teddy bear picnic; it’s more like a bear trap for any semblance of original storytelling. The setup has all the trappings of a classic horror flick: a new home with a creepy past, a child bonding a little too enthusiastically with an inanimate object, and night terrors that have more screen presence than the living characters.

For a moment, it’s like the film is building something genuinely spine-tingling—Jessica’s haunted past, Alice’s eerie new friend, and a series of disturbing events that suggest we’re in for a thrill. But just as you’re about to commend “Imaginary” for its daring, it veers off into the realm of the painfully predictable. The second half of the movie decides that subtlety is out of style and opts for an expository dump that feels like the cinematic equivalent of reading the film’s Wikipedia plot summary out loud.

Gloria, essentially the plot’s mouthpiece, might as well start with “Previously on ‘Imaginary'” for all the finesse she brings to the unfolding story. And as we’re dragged kicking and screaming into the Never Ever realm, you can’t help but wish you’d been left behind in the safety of the mundane world, where the scariest thing is the prospect of sitting through another horror cliché.

The film’s climax, intended to be a crescendo of fear and revelation, instead feels like being stuck on a merry-go-round that’s lost its charm. You’re just going in circles, past the same old horror scenery you’ve seen a thousand times before. The attempt to weave a complex narrative about childhood trauma, imagination, and family bonds ends up tangled in its own web, leaving viewers not so much scared as they are exasperated.

By the end, “Imaginary” doesn’t just jump the shark—it performs a lackluster somersault over a pool of every horror film it tries to emulate, landing with a splash that leaves you drenched in disappointment. The only thing scarier than the movie’s antagonist is the realization that you’ve spent 90 minutes waiting for a twist or turn that could redeem the whole endeavor, only to be left with the sinking feeling that the real horror was the missed potential along the way.

“Imaginary” could have been a mesmerizing exploration of the dark corners of our past that haunt us. Instead, it opts for a joyride through the amusement park of horror clichés, leaving us not with the exhilarating fear of a rollercoaster’s drop but the queasy regret of a ride on the teacups. The best thing about this movie was the fact that it ended.

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Films

Night Swim (2024)

Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can’t seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots.

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Night Swim Review

Bryce McGuire’s Night Swim (2024) dives into the deep end of the supernatural horror genre, only to find itself paddling in the shallow waters of predictability. This tale of a family besieged by a malevolent force lurking in their backyard pool attempts to make a splash but ends up more of a gentle ripple in the vast ocean of haunted house (or should we say, haunted pool) narratives.

Ray Waller, a former major leaguer benched by illness, alongside his wife and two kids, moves into what can only be described as the real estate equivalent of a cursed ancient burial ground—complete with a pool that’s less ‘inviting summer oasis’ and more ‘gateway to watery doom.’ The pool, a sinister puddle of malevolence, promises healing but at a price far steeper than any medical bill—think of it as the world’s most terrifying health spa.

The story kicks off with a flashback that serves up the classic horror appetizer: an innocent child, a toy boat, and a pool with a taste for human souls. Fast forward to the present, and the Waller family, blissfully unaware of their new home’s damp and dark history, are ready to dive into pool ownership, complete with a self-sustaining eco-system that screams ‘too good to be true.’

As Ray finds rejuvenation in the murky waters, the film attempts to navigate the waters of suspense and terror but ends up tangled in the pool net of clichés. Eve, the ever-concerned wife, starts piecing together the puzzle with the help of a chatty realtor and the previous owner, uncovering a bargain of aquatic proportions: healing waters in exchange for sacrificial offerings to the pool’s resident ghost. The narrative then swirls into a whirlpool of family strife, supernatural possession, and spirited baseball bat assaults.

Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can’t seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots. The film’s attempt at a haunting aquatic antagonist comes off as a soggy rehash of familiar tropes, leaving us yearning for the sharp bite of originality. Despite this, the performances manage to stay afloat, with the cast doggy-paddling through the script with commendable effort.

Night Swim paddles in the kiddie pool of horror, splashing around with the enthusiasm of a summer blockbuster but ultimately needing to grab onto the safety rails of genre giants to keep from sinking. It’s a film that, while not exactly a cannonball of cinematic achievement, doesn’t completely belly flop into the abyss of forgettable horror flicks. So, if you’re looking for a dive into the shallow end of supernatural scares, Night Swim might just be your tepid cup of pool water—just don’t expect to be swept away by the current.

Night Swim Review
2.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can't seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots.

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Films

You’ll Never Find Me (2024)

“You’ll Never Find Me” is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat.

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You'll Never Find Me

“You’ll Never Find Me” (2024) serves up a psychological thriller that’s one part existential dread, two parts cabin fever with a twist, and a generous sprinkle of monologues.

The stage is set in the most glamorous of locales—a mobile home that’s seen better days, probably around the same time pagers were considered cutting-edge tech. Here we find Patrick, played by Brendan Rock, who exudes the kind of charisma only a man living in isolation at the back of an isolated trailer park can muster. Then, as if Mother Nature herself decided Patrick needed company, a storm blows in, carrying with it a mysterious young woman, portrayed with enigmatic allure by Jordan Cowan.

The first act of the film might feel like you’re back in high school, stuck listening to classmates’ presentations that go on forever. Patrick and his unexpected guest take turns delivering monologues that feel like they’re sat in a cirlce at an AA group, passing a baton between them when it’s their turn to talk. “And how does that make you feel, Patrick?” one can almost hear an off-screen therapist ask.

Once the verbal relay race concludes, once the monologues stop, the real fun begins. The film masterfully cranks up the tension, turning the mobile home into a battleground of wits and wills, reminiscent of a chess match where the pieces are equally likely to hug it out or stab each other in the back.

The single-location setting of the film, far from being a limitation, becomes a character in its own right. It’s like watching a reality TV show where the contestants are locked in a room with nothing but their secrets, except here, the prize is making it through the night without losing your sanity.

Rock and Cowan’s performances are so riveting, they almost make you forget you’re watching two people essentially stuck in a glorified tin can. Rock’s portrayal of Patrick is a study in how to be simultaneously creepy and sympathetic—a man who probably talks to his houseplants because they’re less judgmental than people. Cowan, as the mysterious visitor, brings a sense of intrigue that’s palpable, making you wonder if her character stumbled upon the trailer park by accident or if she’s really just a fan of budget accommodations with a side of impending doom.

The twist ending is the cherry on top of this bizarre, stormy sundae, delivering a payoff that makes the earlier slog worth it. It’s like realizing the slow cooker you begrudgingly filled in the morning actually made something delicious by dinner time.

“You’ll Never Find Me” is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat. The film manages to turn monologues into an art form, albeit one that might benefit from an intermission. So grab some popcorn, lower your expectations for a fast-paced thrill ride, and settle in for a movie that’s quite happy to take its sweet time getting to the point. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the best stories are like a mobile home in a storm—unpredictable, a little shaky, but ultimately, a shelter from the predictable plots raining down outside.

Review 0
3.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
"You'll Never Find Me" is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat.

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