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V/H/S/2 (2013)

“V/H/S/2” feels like a sequel that knew it had big shoes to fill and decided to buy a new pair instead.

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V/H/S/2

Venturing once more into the pixelated heart of darkness, “V/H/S/2” emerges from the static like a slightly better organized, albeit still chaotic, cousin of its predecessor. This anthology stitches together a quilt of horror that is, paradoxically, both tighter in its narrative weave and yet scattered in the quality of its tales. It’s as if the creators decided to refine their formula, managing to create a potion that’s both smoother and yet, somehow, missing a bit of the original’s chaotic charm.

Starting off, “Phase I Clinical Trials” feels like someone dared the filmmakers to find out how much dread they could squeeze out of the least exciting premise possible. It’s the cinematic equivalent of someone saying, “Hold my beer,” and then proceeding to read the instruction manual to a VCR in a spooky voice. The segment tries its best, earnestly reaching into its bag of tricks with a trembling hand, but ultimately pulls out a somewhat deflated balloon. It’s alright, I guess, standing out as a testament to what happens when ambition outpaces execution, making it one of the anthology’s weaker links.

Then we pedal into “A Ride in the Park,” a segment that, much like its protagonist, stumbles around, trying to find its footing before realizing it’s been bitten by the undead bug of “just okay-ness.” The concept, intriguing as it is, rides circles in a park of predictability, occasionally stopping at benches of brilliance, only to move on just as the view gets interesting. It’s a bit like attending a ghost tour where the guide is genuinely trying to scare you but keeps getting distracted by squirrels. Engaging? Somewhat. Could’ve used a shorter route? Definitely.

However, just when you’re about to call this anthology ride share to take you home early, “Safe Haven” bursts through the door, drenched in sweat, and insists you’re going to want to see this. And it’s right. This segment is the crown jewel of “V/H/S/2,” a meticulously crafted mayhem of cultish chaos that grabs you by the collar and doesn’t let go until you’ve both run through a field of cinematic insanity. It’s a story that manages to be both grotesquely beautiful and beautifully grotesque, standing tall and proud as it declares, “This is what you came for.” The creators of “Safe Haven” understood the assignment, turned it in early, and then helped the teacher grade papers.

Slipping into “Slumber Party Alien Abduction” feels like the movie’s attempt to recapture the magic with a dash of extraterrestrial spice, only to realize halfway through that it left the lid off the magic jar. The segment dives into the deep end of the pool without checking to see if there’s water. It’s a turbulent mix of shrieking, flashing lights, and the kind of chaos that makes you mildly nostalgic for the simple days of “Amateur Night” from the first film. It’s okay, sure, but it’s like finishing your meal with a dessert that’s more flashy than flavorful.

Overall, “V/H/S/2” feels like a sequel that knew it had big shoes to fill and decided to buy a new pair instead. It’s tighter, cleaner, and more cohesive, yet it can’t help but live in the shadow of its older sibling’s raw, untamed stories. It’s the polished, well-intentioned sequel that brings the family together for another round of horror anthology viewing, reminding us that while not every tape is a winner, the act of pressing ‘play’ is a thrill in itself. “V/H/S/2” proves that even in a world of high-definition, there’s something irresistibly haunting about the grain and grit of a VHS tape, even if the stories themselves sometimes leave us wanting.

V/H/S/2 (2013)
3 ScreenDim Score
Summary
"V/H/S/2" feels like a sequel that knew it had big shoes to fill and decided to buy a new pair instead. It's tighter, cleaner, and more cohesive, yet it can't help but live in the shadow of its older sibling's raw, untamed stories.

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Films

Imaginary (2024)

The second half of the movie decides to opt for an expository dump that feels like reading the film’s Wikipedia plot summary out loud.

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Imaginary Review

“Imaginary” (2024) kicks off with the potential to be the dark horse of psychological horror, only to gallop headfirst into a wall of clichés, transforming what could have been a sleek, shadowy steed into, well, a bit of a donkey show. This film, promising a sinister dive into the world of childhood fears and imaginary friends, unfortunately ends up as a guided tour through every horror movie trope the genre has ever coughed up.

The journey begins with Jessica, a children’s book author whose nightmares are about to leap off the page and into her real life, thanks to a stuffed bear named Chauncey. This isn’t your average teddy bear picnic; it’s more like a bear trap for any semblance of original storytelling. The setup has all the trappings of a classic horror flick: a new home with a creepy past, a child bonding a little too enthusiastically with an inanimate object, and night terrors that have more screen presence than the living characters.

For a moment, it’s like the film is building something genuinely spine-tingling—Jessica’s haunted past, Alice’s eerie new friend, and a series of disturbing events that suggest we’re in for a thrill. But just as you’re about to commend “Imaginary” for its daring, it veers off into the realm of the painfully predictable. The second half of the movie decides that subtlety is out of style and opts for an expository dump that feels like the cinematic equivalent of reading the film’s Wikipedia plot summary out loud.

Gloria, essentially the plot’s mouthpiece, might as well start with “Previously on ‘Imaginary'” for all the finesse she brings to the unfolding story. And as we’re dragged kicking and screaming into the Never Ever realm, you can’t help but wish you’d been left behind in the safety of the mundane world, where the scariest thing is the prospect of sitting through another horror cliché.

The film’s climax, intended to be a crescendo of fear and revelation, instead feels like being stuck on a merry-go-round that’s lost its charm. You’re just going in circles, past the same old horror scenery you’ve seen a thousand times before. The attempt to weave a complex narrative about childhood trauma, imagination, and family bonds ends up tangled in its own web, leaving viewers not so much scared as they are exasperated.

By the end, “Imaginary” doesn’t just jump the shark—it performs a lackluster somersault over a pool of every horror film it tries to emulate, landing with a splash that leaves you drenched in disappointment. The only thing scarier than the movie’s antagonist is the realization that you’ve spent 90 minutes waiting for a twist or turn that could redeem the whole endeavor, only to be left with the sinking feeling that the real horror was the missed potential along the way.

“Imaginary” could have been a mesmerizing exploration of the dark corners of our past that haunt us. Instead, it opts for a joyride through the amusement park of horror clichés, leaving us not with the exhilarating fear of a rollercoaster’s drop but the queasy regret of a ride on the teacups. The best thing about this movie was the fact that it ended.

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Films

Night Swim (2024)

Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can’t seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots.

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Night Swim Review

Bryce McGuire’s Night Swim (2024) dives into the deep end of the supernatural horror genre, only to find itself paddling in the shallow waters of predictability. This tale of a family besieged by a malevolent force lurking in their backyard pool attempts to make a splash but ends up more of a gentle ripple in the vast ocean of haunted house (or should we say, haunted pool) narratives.

Ray Waller, a former major leaguer benched by illness, alongside his wife and two kids, moves into what can only be described as the real estate equivalent of a cursed ancient burial ground—complete with a pool that’s less ‘inviting summer oasis’ and more ‘gateway to watery doom.’ The pool, a sinister puddle of malevolence, promises healing but at a price far steeper than any medical bill—think of it as the world’s most terrifying health spa.

The story kicks off with a flashback that serves up the classic horror appetizer: an innocent child, a toy boat, and a pool with a taste for human souls. Fast forward to the present, and the Waller family, blissfully unaware of their new home’s damp and dark history, are ready to dive into pool ownership, complete with a self-sustaining eco-system that screams ‘too good to be true.’

As Ray finds rejuvenation in the murky waters, the film attempts to navigate the waters of suspense and terror but ends up tangled in the pool net of clichés. Eve, the ever-concerned wife, starts piecing together the puzzle with the help of a chatty realtor and the previous owner, uncovering a bargain of aquatic proportions: healing waters in exchange for sacrificial offerings to the pool’s resident ghost. The narrative then swirls into a whirlpool of family strife, supernatural possession, and spirited baseball bat assaults.

Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can’t seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots. The film’s attempt at a haunting aquatic antagonist comes off as a soggy rehash of familiar tropes, leaving us yearning for the sharp bite of originality. Despite this, the performances manage to stay afloat, with the cast doggy-paddling through the script with commendable effort.

Night Swim paddles in the kiddie pool of horror, splashing around with the enthusiasm of a summer blockbuster but ultimately needing to grab onto the safety rails of genre giants to keep from sinking. It’s a film that, while not exactly a cannonball of cinematic achievement, doesn’t completely belly flop into the abyss of forgettable horror flicks. So, if you’re looking for a dive into the shallow end of supernatural scares, Night Swim might just be your tepid cup of pool water—just don’t expect to be swept away by the current.

Night Swim Review
2.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can't seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots.

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Films

You’ll Never Find Me (2024)

“You’ll Never Find Me” is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat.

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You'll Never Find Me

“You’ll Never Find Me” (2024) serves up a psychological thriller that’s one part existential dread, two parts cabin fever with a twist, and a generous sprinkle of monologues.

The stage is set in the most glamorous of locales—a mobile home that’s seen better days, probably around the same time pagers were considered cutting-edge tech. Here we find Patrick, played by Brendan Rock, who exudes the kind of charisma only a man living in isolation at the back of an isolated trailer park can muster. Then, as if Mother Nature herself decided Patrick needed company, a storm blows in, carrying with it a mysterious young woman, portrayed with enigmatic allure by Jordan Cowan.

The first act of the film might feel like you’re back in high school, stuck listening to classmates’ presentations that go on forever. Patrick and his unexpected guest take turns delivering monologues that feel like they’re sat in a cirlce at an AA group, passing a baton between them when it’s their turn to talk. “And how does that make you feel, Patrick?” one can almost hear an off-screen therapist ask.

Once the verbal relay race concludes, once the monologues stop, the real fun begins. The film masterfully cranks up the tension, turning the mobile home into a battleground of wits and wills, reminiscent of a chess match where the pieces are equally likely to hug it out or stab each other in the back.

The single-location setting of the film, far from being a limitation, becomes a character in its own right. It’s like watching a reality TV show where the contestants are locked in a room with nothing but their secrets, except here, the prize is making it through the night without losing your sanity.

Rock and Cowan’s performances are so riveting, they almost make you forget you’re watching two people essentially stuck in a glorified tin can. Rock’s portrayal of Patrick is a study in how to be simultaneously creepy and sympathetic—a man who probably talks to his houseplants because they’re less judgmental than people. Cowan, as the mysterious visitor, brings a sense of intrigue that’s palpable, making you wonder if her character stumbled upon the trailer park by accident or if she’s really just a fan of budget accommodations with a side of impending doom.

The twist ending is the cherry on top of this bizarre, stormy sundae, delivering a payoff that makes the earlier slog worth it. It’s like realizing the slow cooker you begrudgingly filled in the morning actually made something delicious by dinner time.

“You’ll Never Find Me” is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat. The film manages to turn monologues into an art form, albeit one that might benefit from an intermission. So grab some popcorn, lower your expectations for a fast-paced thrill ride, and settle in for a movie that’s quite happy to take its sweet time getting to the point. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the best stories are like a mobile home in a storm—unpredictable, a little shaky, but ultimately, a shelter from the predictable plots raining down outside.

Review 0
3.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
"You'll Never Find Me" is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat.

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