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The LEGO Batman Movie

“The LEGO Batman Movie” is a masterclass in secondhand embarrassment. While it might tickle the funny bone of someone in the throes of pre-pubescence, for the rest of us, it serves as a stark reminder of our own cringe-worthy pasts.

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The Lego Batman Movie

“The LEGO Batman Movie” is the cinematic embodiment of that awkward phase we all went through at around age 12, where everything we said and did was a cringe-worthy attempt at coolness. You know, the phase where we sported regrettable haircuts, mixed mismatched patterns thinking we were being edgy, and proclaimed our undying love for boy bands. Well, this movie somehow managed to capture that exact essence and put it up on the big screen for all to relive in excruciating detail.

“The LEGO Batman Movie” – sounds promising, right? The fusion of a childhood building block favorite and the caped crusader! The darkness of Gotham juxtaposed with the vibrant colored bricks of LEGO. But alas, the film, much like my early teenage attempts at poetry, is filled with melodramatic lines and scenes that feel like they’ve been plucked straight out of a pre-teen’s diary.

As the movie began, I was hopeful. I mean, how could you go wrong with Batman in LEGO form? But my hopes were soon dashed as I was plunged into a cacophony of juvenile jokes that were less “haha” funny and more “Oh, honey, no” cringe. At several points, I found myself wincing, wondering if the script had been the winning entry in a “Write like you’re 12” competition.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate humor that appeals to kids. In fact, some of the best children’s movies out there masterfully weave adult humor into the narrative. But “The LEGO Batman Movie” seems to be written purely for that 12-year-old who thinks it’s the pinnacle of comedy to wear their underwear on their head and declare themselves the “Underwear Overlord” or something equally facepalm-worthy.

The narrative? Oh, where to begin. It unfolds like a frenzied game of make-believe where the plot’s direction changes faster than a tween’s mood swings. It’s like flipping channels between a dark superhero saga and a quirky kiddie show, resulting in an experience that’s as disorienting as trying to decipher tween slang. While we’re on that subject, I never in a thousand years ever thought I’d get the word “Swole” in a Batman film. Still reeling from that one.

What’s with Batman’s incessant need to reiterate how cool he is? We get it, Batman; you’re the Dark Knight, the epitome of cool. But this constant self-aggrandizement feels like that one 12-year-old who repeatedly tells everyone how they’re totally going to be a famous YouTuber one day. It’s cute at first but quickly veers into cringe territory.

“The LEGO Batman Movie” is a masterclass in secondhand embarrassment. While it might tickle the funny bone of someone in the throes of pre-pubescence, for the rest of us, it serves as a stark reminder of our own cringe-worthy pasts. I can’t decide if the filmmakers were genius in crafting such a precisely 12-year-old vibe or if they accidentally stumbled upon this tone. Either way, if you’ve ever wanted to travel back to the most awkward phase of your life, this movie is your time machine. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Films

Imaginary (2024)

The second half of the movie decides to opt for an expository dump that feels like reading the film’s Wikipedia plot summary out loud.

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Imaginary Review

“Imaginary” (2024) kicks off with the potential to be the dark horse of psychological horror, only to gallop headfirst into a wall of clichés, transforming what could have been a sleek, shadowy steed into, well, a bit of a donkey show. This film, promising a sinister dive into the world of childhood fears and imaginary friends, unfortunately ends up as a guided tour through every horror movie trope the genre has ever coughed up.

The journey begins with Jessica, a children’s book author whose nightmares are about to leap off the page and into her real life, thanks to a stuffed bear named Chauncey. This isn’t your average teddy bear picnic; it’s more like a bear trap for any semblance of original storytelling. The setup has all the trappings of a classic horror flick: a new home with a creepy past, a child bonding a little too enthusiastically with an inanimate object, and night terrors that have more screen presence than the living characters.

For a moment, it’s like the film is building something genuinely spine-tingling—Jessica’s haunted past, Alice’s eerie new friend, and a series of disturbing events that suggest we’re in for a thrill. But just as you’re about to commend “Imaginary” for its daring, it veers off into the realm of the painfully predictable. The second half of the movie decides that subtlety is out of style and opts for an expository dump that feels like the cinematic equivalent of reading the film’s Wikipedia plot summary out loud.

Gloria, essentially the plot’s mouthpiece, might as well start with “Previously on ‘Imaginary'” for all the finesse she brings to the unfolding story. And as we’re dragged kicking and screaming into the Never Ever realm, you can’t help but wish you’d been left behind in the safety of the mundane world, where the scariest thing is the prospect of sitting through another horror cliché.

The film’s climax, intended to be a crescendo of fear and revelation, instead feels like being stuck on a merry-go-round that’s lost its charm. You’re just going in circles, past the same old horror scenery you’ve seen a thousand times before. The attempt to weave a complex narrative about childhood trauma, imagination, and family bonds ends up tangled in its own web, leaving viewers not so much scared as they are exasperated.

By the end, “Imaginary” doesn’t just jump the shark—it performs a lackluster somersault over a pool of every horror film it tries to emulate, landing with a splash that leaves you drenched in disappointment. The only thing scarier than the movie’s antagonist is the realization that you’ve spent 90 minutes waiting for a twist or turn that could redeem the whole endeavor, only to be left with the sinking feeling that the real horror was the missed potential along the way.

“Imaginary” could have been a mesmerizing exploration of the dark corners of our past that haunt us. Instead, it opts for a joyride through the amusement park of horror clichés, leaving us not with the exhilarating fear of a rollercoaster’s drop but the queasy regret of a ride on the teacups. The best thing about this movie was the fact that it ended.

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Films

Night Swim (2024)

Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can’t seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots.

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Night Swim Review

Bryce McGuire’s Night Swim (2024) dives into the deep end of the supernatural horror genre, only to find itself paddling in the shallow waters of predictability. This tale of a family besieged by a malevolent force lurking in their backyard pool attempts to make a splash but ends up more of a gentle ripple in the vast ocean of haunted house (or should we say, haunted pool) narratives.

Ray Waller, a former major leaguer benched by illness, alongside his wife and two kids, moves into what can only be described as the real estate equivalent of a cursed ancient burial ground—complete with a pool that’s less ‘inviting summer oasis’ and more ‘gateway to watery doom.’ The pool, a sinister puddle of malevolence, promises healing but at a price far steeper than any medical bill—think of it as the world’s most terrifying health spa.

The story kicks off with a flashback that serves up the classic horror appetizer: an innocent child, a toy boat, and a pool with a taste for human souls. Fast forward to the present, and the Waller family, blissfully unaware of their new home’s damp and dark history, are ready to dive into pool ownership, complete with a self-sustaining eco-system that screams ‘too good to be true.’

As Ray finds rejuvenation in the murky waters, the film attempts to navigate the waters of suspense and terror but ends up tangled in the pool net of clichés. Eve, the ever-concerned wife, starts piecing together the puzzle with the help of a chatty realtor and the previous owner, uncovering a bargain of aquatic proportions: healing waters in exchange for sacrificial offerings to the pool’s resident ghost. The narrative then swirls into a whirlpool of family strife, supernatural possession, and spirited baseball bat assaults.

Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can’t seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots. The film’s attempt at a haunting aquatic antagonist comes off as a soggy rehash of familiar tropes, leaving us yearning for the sharp bite of originality. Despite this, the performances manage to stay afloat, with the cast doggy-paddling through the script with commendable effort.

Night Swim paddles in the kiddie pool of horror, splashing around with the enthusiasm of a summer blockbuster but ultimately needing to grab onto the safety rails of genre giants to keep from sinking. It’s a film that, while not exactly a cannonball of cinematic achievement, doesn’t completely belly flop into the abyss of forgettable horror flicks. So, if you’re looking for a dive into the shallow end of supernatural scares, Night Swim might just be your tepid cup of pool water—just don’t expect to be swept away by the current.

Night Swim Review
2.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
Night Swim tries to tread water in the realm of originality, yet can't seem to shake off the chlorine-scented shadow of its Amityville-inspired roots.

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Films

You’ll Never Find Me (2024)

“You’ll Never Find Me” is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat.

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You'll Never Find Me

“You’ll Never Find Me” (2024) serves up a psychological thriller that’s one part existential dread, two parts cabin fever with a twist, and a generous sprinkle of monologues.

The stage is set in the most glamorous of locales—a mobile home that’s seen better days, probably around the same time pagers were considered cutting-edge tech. Here we find Patrick, played by Brendan Rock, who exudes the kind of charisma only a man living in isolation at the back of an isolated trailer park can muster. Then, as if Mother Nature herself decided Patrick needed company, a storm blows in, carrying with it a mysterious young woman, portrayed with enigmatic allure by Jordan Cowan.

The first act of the film might feel like you’re back in high school, stuck listening to classmates’ presentations that go on forever. Patrick and his unexpected guest take turns delivering monologues that feel like they’re sat in a cirlce at an AA group, passing a baton between them when it’s their turn to talk. “And how does that make you feel, Patrick?” one can almost hear an off-screen therapist ask.

Once the verbal relay race concludes, once the monologues stop, the real fun begins. The film masterfully cranks up the tension, turning the mobile home into a battleground of wits and wills, reminiscent of a chess match where the pieces are equally likely to hug it out or stab each other in the back.

The single-location setting of the film, far from being a limitation, becomes a character in its own right. It’s like watching a reality TV show where the contestants are locked in a room with nothing but their secrets, except here, the prize is making it through the night without losing your sanity.

Rock and Cowan’s performances are so riveting, they almost make you forget you’re watching two people essentially stuck in a glorified tin can. Rock’s portrayal of Patrick is a study in how to be simultaneously creepy and sympathetic—a man who probably talks to his houseplants because they’re less judgmental than people. Cowan, as the mysterious visitor, brings a sense of intrigue that’s palpable, making you wonder if her character stumbled upon the trailer park by accident or if she’s really just a fan of budget accommodations with a side of impending doom.

The twist ending is the cherry on top of this bizarre, stormy sundae, delivering a payoff that makes the earlier slog worth it. It’s like realizing the slow cooker you begrudgingly filled in the morning actually made something delicious by dinner time.

“You’ll Never Find Me” is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat. The film manages to turn monologues into an art form, albeit one that might benefit from an intermission. So grab some popcorn, lower your expectations for a fast-paced thrill ride, and settle in for a movie that’s quite happy to take its sweet time getting to the point. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the best stories are like a mobile home in a storm—unpredictable, a little shaky, but ultimately, a shelter from the predictable plots raining down outside.

Review 0
3.5 ScreenDim Score
Summary
"You'll Never Find Me" is an enjoyably odd journey through the human psyche, with enough quirks and twists to keep you glued to your seat.

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