I try not to swear in my reviews but damn it this film almost made me just write an endless stream of F-words for the review. This film takes everything that fans loved about the original Hellboy adaptations, tosses it out the window, and replaces it with two hours of eye-watering chaos, incoherent plotting, and CGI that feels like it came from a video game in beta testing. If you came here hoping for the grit, style, and charm of Del Toro’s Hellboy films, prepare yourself for disappointment in a new and excruciating form.
Let’s talk about David Harbour, one of the few elements in this movie that actually works. Harbour does his damnedest to channel Hellboy’s charm, grit, and conflicted soul, but even he can’t save this sinking ship. He’s doing all the heavy lifting here, delivering snarky one-liners and trying to act through that heavy prosthetic work, which, oddly, looks more unsettling than demonically cool. But while Harbour throws himself into Hellboy, the script throws him under the bus. He’s given laughably bad dialogue, dropped into one confusing, messy action scene after another, and made to plod through a script that feels like it was thrown together over a weekend.
And then there’s Mila Jovovich, playing the Blood Queen Nimue, in a performance that seems plucked from a high school theater rehearsal. She seems dead-set on delivering every line with maximum “menacing villainess” energy, but it lands more like pantomime. Her character is about as deep as a teaspoon, with motivations so generically evil that even Hellboy himself looks confused as to why she’s here. Instead of bringing a terrifying adversary to the screen, Jovovich’s Nimue feels more like a cosplay attempt that got out of hand.
Now, let’s talk about the technical blunders that hit you from scene one. Hellboy’s phone call in the opening sequence is such an absurd oversight that it’s hard not to laugh. He “hangs up” but then the screen asks if he wants to answer the call. This sets the tone for the level of polish (or lack thereof) that permeates the entire film. To make it worse, a BRPD agent who’s supposed to be close to Hellboy dies early on, and our protagonist barely seems to care. Apparently, in this version of Hellboy’s world, meaningful character connections are just disposable plot devices that no one cares to revisit.
And then there’s Pendle Hill, the infamous Lancashire setting that’s about as realistic as a backdrop at a theme park. For a film set in a historical location with deep cultural roots, it seems Hellboy went out of its way to ignore any sense of regional authenticity. We have characters supposedly in Lancashire, yet there’s not a trace of the iconic Lancashire accent. Instead, Alice Monaghan, an Irish character in the comics, has been transformed into a Queen’s English–speaking character with a Jamaican vibe—sure, why not? Add to this a character like Gruagach, who can’t decide if he’s cockney, scouse, or something in between, and you’ve got a mess of dialects that’s just distracting.
Then, the CGI. Oh, the CGI. If you thought you’d be in for a visual feast of gory, fantastic creatures, think again. Instead, we get creatures that look like they’ve been rendered by someone who just learned Blender last week. The monsters are cartoonish, the gore looks painted on, and the entire aesthetic lacks the grimy, textured realism that made the original Hellboy films so great. There’s one saving grace here: the final 30 minutes, when the demons go on a killing spree. But by that point, it’s less “wow, cool!” and more “thank God, the end is in sight.”
By the time the credits roll, the only thing you’re left with is the sense of relief that it’s finally over. Hellboy (2019) is, in a word, irredeemable. It tries to blend horror, humor, and action, but ends up delivering none of them effectively. If this is the Hellboy reboot we’re getting, perhaps some things are better left buried. A hard 0/5 – this one should’ve stayed in development hell.
Hellboy (2019)
Summary
By the time the credits roll, the only thing you’re left with is the sense of relief that it’s finally over. Hellboy (2019) is, in a word, irredeemable.